Greatest Threat To America

Sorry Stephen Colbert, this time the greatest threat to America isn't bears (but still keep an eye out for those crafty Berenstains!). Scientists at an underwater facility have been experimenting on a new breed of sharks, not like the kind that ate Samuel Jackson in Deep Blue Sea, but ones that are much worse. These sharks have been scientifically engineered with the outcome being that they have fricken laser beams attached to their foreheads! We have this-just-in footage (from 2002*) of the facility where these beasts are being detained.

The real threat is the chance that these monsters escape. In the open oceans these things have the chance to procreate and from their, the end of the world begins. It's simple science folks, your standard laser beam is 1000 degrees Celsius and above. Once you have a hundred of these things roamin' around the ocean, shooting off their laser beams, 1000 C laser beam vaporizes a lot of water. Hell, after a few months we might not be called to blue planet anymore. And with the apocalypse coming up, I think this is the end that Nostradamus predicted. Sharks...with laser beams attached to their foreheads.